Most people I know give up insecurities, the paranoia that makes you self conscious in the face of society. They look back at themselves and laugh, and say "Boy, I sure was stupid for being so worried about what other people thought!" And then they go about their lives and exist how they want. I am following the opposite pattern. When I was younger I think I was oblivious, or just completely wrong, about the way I was viewed in the world. But in the age of the internet where you can easily archive your youth and pull it up to be read again, I revisit my former self and I'm just embarrassed for myself. I don't feel much, if any, endearment for my youth. It bothers me how stupid I was, how ridiculous I seemed, how completely off the mark my perceptions of self had been.
So now, instead of throwing off the shackles of my uptight youth, I compensate for it. I don't want to be in my forties and realize that I was late in my twenties and I still looked like an idiot. Maybe that will be the time. Maybe, in my forties, I will throw off the shackles of self-conscious 28 and act like I don't care.
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